1. Tell Jimmy Kimmel that anything about me, including my emails, is boring.
2. Insult any parents who lost a child.
3. Call my opponent a name that is so obviously applicable to me!
Example: Let's say it becomes clear over the campaign that I can't stand spiders. Then how dumb would it be for me to accuse my opponent of being an "arachnophobe" ?!
4. Tell the same kind of jokes I did back at Highland Oaks Elementary School, like chortling over whether my opponent had peed on themselves.
5. Wear a white pantsuit. Ever.
6. Comment on how proportional my hand size is to any other part of my anatomy. (Will let voters decide.)
7. Send email invitations to middle class supporters inviting them to Cookie and Magic's or Amal and George's or Gwyneth's home for a mere $37K get their pic taken with me.
8. Make a huge deal about being "the woman's candidate" if I have by then acquired a spouse who seems to "like the ladies".
9. Do much campaigning in Mississippi.
10. Let my doc publish my health report without me copy-editing it.
11. Get John Podesta, Paul Begala, or Ann Lewis to represent me on news shows.
12. Insult voters' intelligence with really dumb questions, like "What the hell do you have to lose?"